Do you ever just get that warm, inexplicable feeling in your heart? It's not even like you have to try to be happy, you just are? But it's in that moment you are falling in love with someone who barely even knows you exist. And you want to laugh and cry at the same time because you know this person could be so amazing for you but you have such a hard time opening up and explaining yourself that it's unfathomable to think they could ever love you.
You spend your last waking moments before going to sleep every night making up scenarios that will never happen. But they keep you going because you are hopeful that one day you will receive that deep, passionate love from someone. And for now that will have to be enough because you are so afraid to even open up to someone because of the possibility of getting hurt. Being alone hurts less than a broken heart.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
We Don't Even Have To Try, It's Always A Good Time =]
I love my family. I am so grateful that I was able to spend Thanksgiving in Rexburg with a lot of my family.
I'm grateful that I have cousins around my age that I'm friends with and will always be there for me. I'm grateful that we all get along really well. I'm grateful for my cousin Alice and her willingness to drive me and my roommate up to Idaho and then all the way back to Provo even though she lives in Ogden. I'm grateful for the memories I will always have from this Thanksgiving!
I had so much fun with my cousins. We went and saw Perks of Being a Wallflower (which was super weird) and Pitch Perfect (which we couldn't stop quoting for the rest of the week). Had a laughing circle for like an hour on Thanksgiving at my Grandma's house where we laid in a circle with our heads on each other's stomachs and tried to go around the circle saying "ha" without laughing. Let's just say we couldn't make it around the circle. I think all of the adults thought we were crazy cause we were just laying on the floor laughing hysterically.
I loved spending time with my sister, Jessica. I don't get to see her as much any more cause we are in college in different states. So it was awesome to be with her for the week. I wish Jennifer would have been able to be there though.
I'm grateful that I get to go up to Idaho again in three weeks and see everyone again =]
 |
| I love these girls so much =] |
Sunday, October 28, 2012
A Crinkle
This weekend my ward had a relief society sleepover.
There were two main things I learned. One more important than the other.
1. A crinkle is less than a crush. So it's pretty much when you see a guy and you think "oh he's really cute. i would go on a date with him". So I mostly have had crinkles in my life.
2. I'm not a typical Mormon girl. I feel like at BYU there is a mold for what girls should be like (bubbly, super righteous, really involved in service and in church callings, and just the typical Mormon women things). I'm not like that. Yeah I feel like I am righteous and yes I love this gospel with all my heart. But I'm not that super bubbly, flirtatious, airhead girl. I know this sounds really judgmental of me, but I feel like that's how most of the girls that have boyfriends and go on dates are. And maybe that's just me thinking that because I'm jealous.
Well that was my insight to my life this weekend. Woohoo.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them
Somebody needs to get me some rocks. Cause i'm ready to throw them.
Do you ever have a crush on someone and even though they have no idea who you are, you are just a little bit hopeful inside that someday they will like you? Well this seems to happen to me all the time. And I mean ALL the time. And yes it may be because I'm shy and awkward and don't really put myself out there, but even if I do, it seems that nothing happens.
So I guess this is a lesson to me. Stop getting your hopes up, Mary. Because it will hurt less if you didn't want it in the first place.
Maybe I shouldn't be throwing those rocks after all. Maybe I should just throw one?
Monday, September 17, 2012
My New Motto
Life's short and what I've realized tonight is that things will go on no matter how bad they seem and soon enough I'm just going to forget. So as bad as it hurts right now, life goes on and things will get better. After my mom saw the movie "We Bought a Zoo", she always quoted it and told us to use our 20 seconds of courage. I always kind of resented it because I would think to myself, "I have courage and I know what I'm doing." But honestly, I'm really not courageous. I'm afraid to talk to people because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid that I will get turned away by everyone. But the thing that I realized is so what? So what if those one or two people don't like me? At least I tried. So from now on I'm going to try and use this as my motto:
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
So even though I made a fool out of myself with that one cute boy. Or even if I scared people off by being my weird self, at least I tried. And I guess for right now that's good enough for me. Because if I don't ever try, then nothing good is ever going to happen.
"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
So even though I made a fool out of myself with that one cute boy. Or even if I scared people off by being my weird self, at least I tried. And I guess for right now that's good enough for me. Because if I don't ever try, then nothing good is ever going to happen.
Monday, April 2, 2012
I love visitors!
So this past weekend was so much fun! My sisters, Jessica and Jenni, came to visit me! They got here on Wednesday night, (the 28th) and left on April 1st. The night they got here we went on a walk to the temple to see it all lit up! It was so pretty! And it was really nice for us to be able to talk and catch up.
On Thursday Jenni went to my D&C class with me. I don't really know what she thought about it, but it was fun to have her go with me! Thursday afternoon we went shopping and then Thursday night we went to a BYU Men's Volleyball game!
Friday we had to opportunity to go do baptisms for the dead in the Provo Temple! I love going to do baptisms, it makes me feel at peace with everything. And it was awesome for Jenni, because she had only done baptisms in the Denver temple. Friday night we went to the second half of the BYU Men's Volleyball Game!
On Saturday we had to be up bright and early because we were headed to Salt Lake to stand in the standby line for the morning session of General Conference. We got there around 7am and stood in line. A little bit before 8 and girl came up to us saying that she had 4 extra tickets and if we would like them. There was only 3 of us, but luckily there was a guy standing next to us that was alone so he took the other one! I am so grateful to that girl because who knows if we would have gotten in. This was our very first time at conference, and let me tell you, it was amazing! It was so cool to hear the general authorities speak in person. I had heard the Prophet speak at BYU devotional last semester (which was amazing), but conference was a different experience. The conference center was packed with saints from around the world. And the spirit there was just amazing. It was so cool to be surrounded by so many members of the church. I definitely hope to experience conference again in my lifetime! After the session was over, we walked around temple square for a little bit and it was packed! The protesters were just funny, because they didn't even know what they were talking about, and if they read the Book of Mormon or researched what we actually believed they would know that this is the true church. So after we were done there we hopped in the car and headed down to our brother's (Sam) grave. Next week, on April 8th, will be the 11th anniversary of his death. I know that I was only 7 when he died and i don't have very many memories with him, but I still think about him and miss him all the time. I can feel him with me sometimes and it helps me feel like i am loved and that i am safe. I miss you Sammy! but i know that i will see you again someday!
Saturday night we went to Lowe's Xtreme Airsports, which is basically trampolines and foam pits that you jump into. There is also a rock climbing wall, that you climb and then fall into the foam pit. We had a lot of fun, but i was really sore the next day.
I was so sad when my sisters had to leave on sunday. They are my best friends and i miss them so much when i'm at school. I can't wait to go home for the summer and be with jennifer. I'm sad that jessica will be up at school though. One of the things i have definitely learned while being away at school, don't take your time with your family for granted!
This week my cute little chubby nephew, Jordan, is turning 1. i can't believe he's been with us for so long! i can't wait to see him and his sister, Annie Bear, in 2 weeks! I love my niece and nephews with all my heart and it's sad for me that i'm not there anymore to see them growing up.
But anyway, only a week and a half left of classes, and then finals week, and then i get to go home! i am so excited!
On Thursday Jenni went to my D&C class with me. I don't really know what she thought about it, but it was fun to have her go with me! Thursday afternoon we went shopping and then Thursday night we went to a BYU Men's Volleyball game!
Friday we had to opportunity to go do baptisms for the dead in the Provo Temple! I love going to do baptisms, it makes me feel at peace with everything. And it was awesome for Jenni, because she had only done baptisms in the Denver temple. Friday night we went to the second half of the BYU Men's Volleyball Game!
On Saturday we had to be up bright and early because we were headed to Salt Lake to stand in the standby line for the morning session of General Conference. We got there around 7am and stood in line. A little bit before 8 and girl came up to us saying that she had 4 extra tickets and if we would like them. There was only 3 of us, but luckily there was a guy standing next to us that was alone so he took the other one! I am so grateful to that girl because who knows if we would have gotten in. This was our very first time at conference, and let me tell you, it was amazing! It was so cool to hear the general authorities speak in person. I had heard the Prophet speak at BYU devotional last semester (which was amazing), but conference was a different experience. The conference center was packed with saints from around the world. And the spirit there was just amazing. It was so cool to be surrounded by so many members of the church. I definitely hope to experience conference again in my lifetime! After the session was over, we walked around temple square for a little bit and it was packed! The protesters were just funny, because they didn't even know what they were talking about, and if they read the Book of Mormon or researched what we actually believed they would know that this is the true church. So after we were done there we hopped in the car and headed down to our brother's (Sam) grave. Next week, on April 8th, will be the 11th anniversary of his death. I know that I was only 7 when he died and i don't have very many memories with him, but I still think about him and miss him all the time. I can feel him with me sometimes and it helps me feel like i am loved and that i am safe. I miss you Sammy! but i know that i will see you again someday!
Saturday night we went to Lowe's Xtreme Airsports, which is basically trampolines and foam pits that you jump into. There is also a rock climbing wall, that you climb and then fall into the foam pit. We had a lot of fun, but i was really sore the next day.
I was so sad when my sisters had to leave on sunday. They are my best friends and i miss them so much when i'm at school. I can't wait to go home for the summer and be with jennifer. I'm sad that jessica will be up at school though. One of the things i have definitely learned while being away at school, don't take your time with your family for granted!
This week my cute little chubby nephew, Jordan, is turning 1. i can't believe he's been with us for so long! i can't wait to see him and his sister, Annie Bear, in 2 weeks! I love my niece and nephews with all my heart and it's sad for me that i'm not there anymore to see them growing up.
But anyway, only a week and a half left of classes, and then finals week, and then i get to go home! i am so excited!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
My New(ish) Obsessions
Most people that know me, know that I love music and I love reading. So it will be no surprise to them that that is what this post is about. Over the past couple of months I have fallen in love with a couple of things and I just thought I would share.
So i'll start off with the books. My friend recommend this series to me and i've read the two books that are out and I love them. The first book in the series is called Matched and it's written by Ally Condie. Basically it is about this society in the future, where everything you do is chosen for you even down to when you die. The people in the society don't get to choose who they marry but they get "matched" based on who is most alike them and who they are compatible for. So it just follows the story of this girl Cassia through her matching and afterwards. I know i'm not doing it justice. So just go read it. haha.
And now for music =]
One of my new favorite bands is The Wanted. They are amazing. They are a British band who has recently just started to get popular in America. My friend showed me a couple of their songs a couple of months ago and then The Warblers sang their song on Glee and they've started gaining more popularity since then (they've already had American fans for a little bit though). So if you haven't heard their song Glad You Came, i'm betting you have, then go check them out. I would recommend listening to Glad You Came, Gold Forever, Lightning, Warzone and Heart Vacancy =] those are my favorites =]
But my biggest new obsession since January is, One Direction. I cannot say enough how much i love them. As the fans would say, I have One Direction Infection. They are also from the UK. They were on the X Factor over there and came in third and recently came over to America to open up for Big Time Rush. Since they were on the X Factor they can all actually sing! And let me tell you, they are amazing! (and very attractive too =]) So anyway, you definitely need to go check them out too! I would recommend listening to, What Makes You Beautiful, One Thing, and More Than This. Actually just listen to their whole CD, because it's amazing.
Oh and because the movie just came out, i need to talk about it. THE HUNGER GAMES was amazing! I went to the midnight showing and I was really pleased with what they did with it! I thought that with the amount of time they had they did an amazing job including mostly everything in the movie. So if you liked the book, then go see the movie. The cast did a really good job.
Okay so that's pretty much everything.
It's starting to get warm outside and it's making me really anxious to go home in 4 weeks!
I just gotta get through the next 2 and a half weeks of classes and then through final week and then ill be home for the summer! I can't wait to see my mom and my sisters. and my niece and nephew!
So i'll start off with the books. My friend recommend this series to me and i've read the two books that are out and I love them. The first book in the series is called Matched and it's written by Ally Condie. Basically it is about this society in the future, where everything you do is chosen for you even down to when you die. The people in the society don't get to choose who they marry but they get "matched" based on who is most alike them and who they are compatible for. So it just follows the story of this girl Cassia through her matching and afterwards. I know i'm not doing it justice. So just go read it. haha.
And now for music =]
One of my new favorite bands is The Wanted. They are amazing. They are a British band who has recently just started to get popular in America. My friend showed me a couple of their songs a couple of months ago and then The Warblers sang their song on Glee and they've started gaining more popularity since then (they've already had American fans for a little bit though). So if you haven't heard their song Glad You Came, i'm betting you have, then go check them out. I would recommend listening to Glad You Came, Gold Forever, Lightning, Warzone and Heart Vacancy =] those are my favorites =]
But my biggest new obsession since January is, One Direction. I cannot say enough how much i love them. As the fans would say, I have One Direction Infection. They are also from the UK. They were on the X Factor over there and came in third and recently came over to America to open up for Big Time Rush. Since they were on the X Factor they can all actually sing! And let me tell you, they are amazing! (and very attractive too =]) So anyway, you definitely need to go check them out too! I would recommend listening to, What Makes You Beautiful, One Thing, and More Than This. Actually just listen to their whole CD, because it's amazing.
Oh and because the movie just came out, i need to talk about it. THE HUNGER GAMES was amazing! I went to the midnight showing and I was really pleased with what they did with it! I thought that with the amount of time they had they did an amazing job including mostly everything in the movie. So if you liked the book, then go see the movie. The cast did a really good job.
Okay so that's pretty much everything.
It's starting to get warm outside and it's making me really anxious to go home in 4 weeks!
I just gotta get through the next 2 and a half weeks of classes and then through final week and then ill be home for the summer! I can't wait to see my mom and my sisters. and my niece and nephew!
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